God tries to inspire me every day.
The trouble is I’m too caught up in my mind and the fact that I’m not inspired to realize what He’s saying and doing. I don’t see His Love. I don’t see His colors or hear His melodies.
It’s entirely a ME thing.
The funny thing is that He never stops. He is always trying to poke His head in and check in on me. Sometimes, when I’m not being quite so ignorant and self-absorbed, I notice Him. Sometimes, just a glimpse. Just a blur.
But what if He was my masterpiece, my ultimate master, the one I serve above all else. How much more Love could I show if I saw and embraced and passed on His Love, even if only a miniscule portion of it! It will always be miniscule in comparison, but a miniscule portion of Him is greater than anything we can ever hope to become over the course of our whole lifetime.
I often talk about not having the Joy I know I ought, not having my heart in the right place, and this utter hopelessness that consumes me every moment I allow it, which is nearly every moment. I say I want to be a child, or simply child-like. But that’s only half the Story.
I want to be the one that is so like a child I laugh a little harder than is natural. I want to be the one that is so child-like that I believe He is always by my side, because He is. He’s like the best imaginary friend we could ever ask for because He is always with us even when others don’t see Him. Better yet, He is there when WE don’t see Him. We can and should talk to Him all day long, whisper our secrets to Him, and He will be there when no one else is, when they’re all pointing and laughing at us, when we’re the new kid, when we’re the weirdo and the geek and the nerd and the acne face and the scrawny guy and the ogre. When we are the incompetent, the assistant engineer. The aspiring musician. The starving artist. The lonely heart.
He is always there, and He can hold our hearts. He is vying for our attention against all other entities in this world that seek to distract us, and trust me… there are more than we can imagine, realize, or feel. He wants us to feel His Love, His Joy, His Greatness, His Correction, His Inspiration.
He wants us to dive headlong into His Arms, hold us tight, and weep with us when we feel most dejected, forlorn, and melancholy. He wants us to feel His Hope when the monotony of Life threatens to plunge its steely dagger into our hearts and chill us to the bone, immobilizing us with thoughts and feelings of inability, of incomprehension, and yet discontent.
He is the strength of my bones, He is the knowledge of my mind, He is my foolishness and my wisdom, He is my smile and my Comforter. He is worth it all.
He wants us to have an awe that brings us to our knees when He shows us everything He does every MOMENT to Love us.
I am crying at my desk at work, trying to silently sob as I type this so my coworkers don’t know I’m not working and so they don’t ask what’s wrong, because nothing is wrong, because I only want Him to comfort me. I want Him to be the reason my heart is assuaged and no longer anxious about everything and nothing. I want Him to be the whole, the entirety of the contents of my heart.
He is the sunset, the sunrise, the placid beach, the roaring rivers, the towering redwoods, the innumerable stars and vast galaxies. He is the Beauty of nature and the Loveliness of concrete jungles. He is the Inventor, and we mere innovators, drawing inspiration from what He has already given and shown us. He is the Original, and we are His copiers. He is the Eternal Copyright, and we are derivative works.
He is Inspiration.