December Rose: An Insight

Sometimes, I don’t really know who I am.

Let me explain… I like to consider myself a “creative.” I search for various ways to express myself because I find enjoyment and catharsis by doing so. I think it began when I was young and lost track of who I was or who I thought I was supposed to be. It’s such a dangerous game because, while losing perspective on my place in the world, I also lost some of my will to find a goal or direction for my life. I let others dictate who I’d be, and not because I’m a people pleaser, but because I don’t know who I am. Maybe I am a people pleaser simply because that’s what wandering around in a world of control freaks leads you to. So I picked up music and writing as ways to let my inner-self out, to more clearly show the world who I am and what I’m made of.

I created this anonymous blog and didn’t tell my friends or family about it because I wanted to see if there was anyone in the world who could possibly relate to me without having to censor myself or write for an audience. Gaining an audience has been fun, and to those of you who like or comment on my posts weekly, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kind words and taking the time to learn me. But I don’t write things I think you’ll like, I just try to write me. Saying it like that feels so selfish and narcissistic, but that’s just kinda how it works, right?

This article by Tiny Rubies was incredibly insightful to me on why I’d rather be here on WordPress than on Facebook or Twitter as I rant and rave and tell you about the wonderful people I’ve met like Rachel and Jonathan, Little Miss Hobbs, and Ross. One thing I’d like to make clear – these people I talk about are real. They’re my friends, and I’ve always boasted I make friends with legends. The truth in it is that I intend to  reveal them as legends, because to me, they are invaluable and my most beloved brothers and sisters. They themselves are the legends, and I am on a mission to make sure the world finds them out. I want readers to laugh at Little Miss Hobbs’ lucky mistake in “Applause for the Watchmaker” and realize, in spite of her oversight on her place in the world, how much detail and Beauty she sees in the world. I want you all to know that Ross has an incredible heart and an aptitude for music, particularly the saxophone, and how he can make everything around you come to life with his musical abilities. I want you to know how Rachel is haunted by herself, and yet is the most cheerful person you will ever meet. She can turn your day around with a simple smile, and she’s silly as can be. I can’t wait to introduce you to her brother, Jonathan, who is one of the strongest, most courageous men I’ve met in my life. Then, of course, you’ll read about Steven and his stubbornness that pays off when he wins Love (though that tale will be frustrating for you to suffer through, as it was for me to watch).

They say every person is a culmination of their friends… I’ll show you my friends and thus reveal myself. Someday, I hope at least one of them accidentally finds this blog and realizes how much I love them, and that my exaggerations and romanticism of them are only a glimpse of my true heart for them.

But for now, you may call me December Rose.