My problem is that I could be anything. I see each day of the week as another opportunity to start a new adventure, and I suspect there are a lot of people out there that have the same issue. I have a growing patience, but that’s a relatively new development. I have focus when I begin something, but the majority of my ideas can’t be accomplished in one sitting. This leads to a chapter (or simply a couple pages) of a book written Monday, a small piece of a business plan on Tuesday, a college application started by Wednesday, returning to that book chapter Thursday plus a guitar riff recorded on my phone, fifty pages of a new book read on Friday, Voice lessons and calligraphy practice on Saturday, and Sunday I choose to rest and spend time with my family if I’m not traveling.
After four weeks of this (if this was a consistent routine), what would one month add up to? About 8-16 pages of a book (unedited), a quarter- or half-written business plan, four incomplete college applications (because it’s never to the same school twice), four new guitar riffs that are eerily similar, 50 pages of four separate books read (again, never the same one twice), progression with my voice and four different calligraphy fonts marginally improved, and several existential crises or disinterest in at least one if not all of the aforementioned endeavors.
In short, I lack focus.
My mind is a puppy that sees everything at one time and my confidence suggests to my immature mind that I am capable of accomplishing all of it… RIGHT NOW. While I do believe we are all as infinite as a multi-universe theory, I also believe many people struggle with this because there are far too few businesses started, pieces of music or literature created, blogs kept up, and shoes purchased (one pair of shoes for every personality quirk you have, as well as one pair for every time you promised yourself you’d go to the gym or start running around your neighborhood).
This is not a New Year’s resolution post, it’s a moment of honest self-awareness with the intent to fix myself. I’ve known all of this for awhile, and I’ve recognized the need to take action. I have already started by dedicating myself to writing one book at a time, reading one book at a time, pursuing one business venture, NOT applying for more school, NOT starting another blog, and quite honestly, not running nor going to the gym as of yet. I intend to do so someday, but I much prefer weekly hikes and push ups every night before bed.
Another issue is that I have collected a fair few daily planners in an attempt to organize and plan out my life and not used a single one of them. I’ve evaluated and re-evaluated my hodge podge life several times and decided to begin organizing, but needless to say, all I’ve done is rearranged my plans and ambitions like a bored stay-at-home dad who rearranges the furniture. I think it also shows through on this blog because while I write a lot of poetry, I never really know what I’m going to write about, nor what format it’ll take. I mean, for real, who writes poetry one day and a rant the next? Maybe it’s more common than I think, but the most successful blogs stick to a general format.
I credit my blog’s lack of popularity and my lack of happiness to allowing myself to be whisked away by my latest flight of fancy, and not trying to hone in on any one particular ambition.
Sadly, I must disappoint you at this point in my post. I don’t have an answer for how to fix this, nor when I will, though I am inclined to say I will write in my planner tonight. I would tell you my plans to amend and focus myself, but all it turns out to be is talk, so I’m going to go do something about it… RIGHT NOW, and I’ll tell you about it later.
I’m done dreaming about the escape while I sit across the room from the key, and I’m done talking about the accomplishments I’ve yet to begin.
I suggest you do the same, my friend.